The local bar was so sure

The local bar was so sure that its bartender was the
strongest man around that they offered a Rs 10,000
bet. The bartender would squeeze a
lemon until all the juice ran into a glass, and hand
the lemon to a patron. Anyone who could squeeze one
more drop of juice out would win the money. Many
people like weight-lifters, wrestlers, body
builders, etc had tried over time, but nobody could
do it.

One day this scrawny little man came in, wearing
thick glasses and a safari suit, and said in a tiny,
squeaky voice, "I'd like to try the bet." After the
laughter had died down, the bartender said OK,
grabbed a lemon, and squeezed away. Then he handed the
wrinkled remains of the rind to the little man.
But the crowd's laughter turned to total silence
as the man clenched his fist around the lemon and
5-6 drops fell into the glass. As the
crowd cheered, the bartender paid the Rs 10,000, and
asked the little man, "What do you do for a living?
Are you a weight-lifter, or what?"

"No," replied the man.

"I work as a project manager in a software company !! "

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There were three guys talking

There were three guys talking in the pub. Two of them are talking about the amount
of control they have over their wives, while the third remains quiet.
After a while one of the first two turns to the third and says, Well, what about
you, what sort of control do you have over your wife.
The third fellow says I'll tell you. Just the other night my wife came to me on her hands and knees
The first two guys were amazed. What happened then? they asked. She said, 'get out from under the bed and fight like a man'.

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An old snake goes to see his doctor

An old snake goes to see his doctor.
He says, "Doctor, I need something for my eyes. I can't see well these days". The doctor fixes him up with a pair of` glasses and tells him to return in 2 weeks.

The snake comes back in 2 weeks, and tells the doctor he's very depressed.

The doctor says, "What's the problem? Didn't the glasses help you?"

"The glasses are fine doc. I just discovered I've been living with a water hose the past 2 years!"

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There was a university

There was a university in New England where the students operated a "bank" of term papers and other homework assignments. There were papers to suit all needs. Since it would look odd if an undistinguished student suddenly handed in a brilliant essay, there were papers for an A grade, B grade, and C grade.

One student, who had spent the weekend on more "extra-curricular pursuits," went to the bank, and as his course was a standard one he took out a paper for a inconspicuous C. He then retyped it and handed the work in.

In due course he received it back with the professor's comments.

"I wrote this paper myself twenty years ago. I always thought it was worth an A, and now I'm pleased to give it one!

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A few years ago,

A few years ago, China's Prime Minister Mori was given some Basic English conversation training before he visits Washington and meets president Bill Clinton...

The instructor told Mori "Prime Minister, when you shake hand with President Clinton, please say 'how are you'. Then Mr. Clinton should say," I'm fine, and you?" Now you should say 'me too'. Afterwards we, translators, will do all the work for you."

It looks quite simple, but the truth is....When Mori met Clinton, he mistakenly said "Who Are You?" instead of "How are you". Mr. Clinton was a bit shocked but still managed to react with humor: "Well, I'm Hilary's husband, ha-ha...."

Then Mori replied "Me too, ha-ha.."

Billl Clinton :- " !!!!!!!!!!!!! "

Then there was a long silence in the meeting room.....

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A man walks in a bank

A man walks in a bank, gets in line and when it's his turn he pulls out a gun, and robs the bank.

Just to make sure he leaves no witnesses, he turns around and asks the next customer in line, “Did you see me rob this bank?”

The customer replies, “Yes!”

The bank robber raises his gun, points it to the customer's head and BANG - shoots him in the head and kills him.

He quickly moves to the next customer in line and says to the man, “Did You see me rob this bank?”



The man calmly responds ...


“No, but my wife did!

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MEMON Family

An old memon lady died in USA, where she was staying with
her daughter.

Daughter made arrangements for the body to be sent back to
Pakistan.

On top of the coffin was a letter which said;

Dear Bhai,

I am sending AMMA's body to Pakistan, as it was her
wish to be buried in Pakistan.

Under AMMA's body are 12 cans of cheese for your little
boy Ali, 10 packs of

hotchoclates for your cute little Meena & 8 packs of perfumes
for your wife.

AMMA is wearing a brand new pair of REEBOK shoes for Kaasim
bhai and there are two

pairs shoes stuffed on left-side of the coffin for Jubaida
& Jarina.

AMMA is wearing 6 brand new NIKE t-shirts, large one is for
Sattar bhai other four

are for his boys. She is also wearing two LEVI'S jeans
for the boys.

She is also wearing Swiss made ROLEX watch on her left hand
for Johra Baji and

gold necklace and earrings for Kulsoom Aunty.


If you need anything else do let me know, because ABBA is
also not feeling well.

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A blonde gets on an airplane

A blonde gets on an airplane and sits down in the first class section of the plane. The stewardess rushes over to her and tells her she must move to coach because she doesn't have a first class ticket. The blonde replies, "I'm blonde, I'm smart, I have a good job, and I'm staying in first class until we reach Jamaica." The disgusted stewardess gets the head stewardess who asks the blonde to leave. The blonde yet again repeats "I'm blonde, I'm smart, I have a good job and I'm staying in first class until we reach Jamaica." The head stewardesses doesn't even know what to do at this point because they still have to get the rest of the passengers seated to take off; the blode is causing a problem with boarding now, so the stewardess gets the copilot. The copilot goes up to the blonde and whispers in her ear. She immediately gets up and goes to her seat in the coach section. The head st ewardess asks the copilot in amazement what he said to get her to move to her correct seat. The copilot replies, "I told her the front half of the airplane wasn't going to Jamaica."

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Perfect example of confidence

Perfect example of confidence

A trainee in a big multinational company dialed C.E.O by mistake and said. " hey send a hot coffee in accounts dept, within two mints.

CEO shouted: Do u know whom you r talking to??
Trainee : No

C.E.O: I m CEO of the company

Trainee in the same tone: Do you know whom u r talking to?

CEO: No
Trainee said: Thanks God and disconnected the line.

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About a century or two ago,

About a century or two ago, the Pope decided that all the Sardars had to leave Italy. Naturally there was a big uproar from the Sardar community.

So the Pope made a deal. He would have a religious debate with a member of the Sardar community. If the Sardar won, the Sardars could stay. If the Pope won, the Sardars would leave.

The Sardars realized that they had no choice. So they picked a middle aged man named Santa Singh to represent them. Santa Singh asked for one condition to be added to the debate. To make it more interesting, the debate was to be conducted using sign language and neither side would be allowed to talk. The Pope agreed.

The day of the great debate came. Santa Singh and the Pope sat opposite each other for a full minute before the Pope raised his hand and showed three fingers. Santa Singh looked back at him and raised one finger.

The Pope waved his fingers in a circle around his head. Santa Singh pointed to the ground where he sat. The Pope pulled out a wafer and a glass of wine. Santa Singh pulled out an apple.

The Pope stood up and said, "I give up. This man is too good. The Sardars can stay. " An hour later, the cardinals were all around the Pope asking him what had happened. The Pope said, "First I held up three fingers to represent the trinity. He responded by holding up one finger to remind me that there was still one God common to both our religions. Then I waved my finger around me to show him that God was all around us. He responded by pointing to the ground and showing that God was also right here with us. I pulled out the wine and wafer to show that God absolves us from our sins. He pulled out an apple to remind me of original sin. He had an answer for everything. What could I do?"

Meanwhile, the Sardar community had crowded around Santa Singh. "What happened ?" they asked. "Well", said Santa Singh, "First he said to me that the Sardars had three days to get out of here. I told him that not one of us was leaving. Then he told me that this whole city would be cleared of Sardars. I let him know that we were staying right here." "And then?", asked the crowd. "I don't know," said Santa Singh, "He took out his lunch and I took out mine".

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A Pakistani was sitting with

A Pakistani was sitting with an Indian and Malaysianin Saudi Arabia, sharing a smuggled barrel of beer, when all of a
sudden Saudi police entered and arrested them. But, as it was a nationalholiday, the Sheikh decided they should be released after receiving20 lashes of the whip. As they were preparing for their punishment, the Sheikh suddenly said:
"I allow each of you one wish before your whipping."
So the Malaysian guy thought for a while and then
said: "Please tie a pillow to my back." This was done but the pillow only lasted 10 lashes before the whip went through.
The Indian guy, watching the scene, said: "Please fix two pillows on my back". But even two pillows could only take 10
lashes before the whip went through again. Sheikh turned to Pakistani and said: "You are from a brother country, so you can have 2 wishes!"
"Thank you, Most Royal and Merciful Highness", the Pakistani replies.
"My first wish is: I would like to have 40 lashes."
"If you so desire", the Sheikh replies with questioning look on his face, "and your second wish?"
"Tie the Indian to my back", the Pakistani answers.

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When the Indians were being

When the Indians were being delivered their new fleet of fighter jets, an instructor specially came from Russia to explain the Indian Air Force & Army the simplicity of the operation of the planes (from Russia because India buys their planes from Russia)
So when the first plane was delivered, the instructor told the Indian Army " this has 3 buttons, the one on the top is to take off, the one on the left_inner is to go left_inner and the one on the right is to go right."
The soldiers nodded in understanding. But one soldier raised his hand and asked " But sir, how will we get down?"
The instructor replied "Oh ! Leave that to the Pakistanis"

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Crazy Driver

As a senior citizen was driving down the freeway, his car phone rang.

Answering, he heard his wife's voice urgently warning him, "Herman, I just heard on the news that there's a car going the wrong way on Highway 401. Please be careful!"

"Darnl," said Herman, "It's not just one car. It's hundreds of them!"

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Local Call

In order to develop friendly relationship between the two countries, Vajpyee and Musharraf decided to visit each others country regularly.

The first visit was by Musharraf to India. There Vajpyee showed him Indians modern telecommunication systems. It was so good that Musharraf made a call to Zia-ul-Haq in hell and talked to him for 5 minutes ! The bill for the call came to only Re.1.
When Musharraf came back, he also wanted Pakistans telecommunication systems to be at the best when Vajpyee visited Pakistan. Suitable arrangements were made. Vajpyee came to Pakistan, visited the telecom department and talked to Rajiuv Gandhi in hell for 5 minutes. But this time, the bill was Rs. 500!

Vajpyee asked with a sarcastic smile - "Why are telephone calls to hell so costly in Pakistan ?"
A High level diplomat gave a smiling reply - "From India to hell, it is a local call, Sir, while from Pakistan it is long distance!".

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what is an idiot

Son: Dad, what is an idiot?
Dad: An idiot is a person who tries to explain his ideas in such a strange and long way that another person who is listening to him can"t understand him. Do you understand me?
Son: No.

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Musharraf comes to Delhi

Musharraf comes to Delhi for a meeting with Vajpayee. After dinner, Vajpayee says to Musharraf: "Well Parvez, I don't know what you think of the members of your Cabinet, but mine are all bright and brilliant." "How do you know?" asks Musharraf "Oh well, it's simple", says Atal. " They all have to take special tests before they can be a minister. Wait a second".

He calls Advani over and asks him "Tell me Advaniji, who is the child of your father and of your mother who is not your brother and is not your sister?" "Ah, that's simple", says Advani, "it is me!" "Well done Advani", says Vajpayee and Musharraf is very impressed. He returns to Islamabad and wonders about the intelligence of the members of his Cabinet.
He calls in his favourite member of cabinet and asks: "Tell me, who is the child of your father and of your mother who is not your brother and is not your sister? " He thinks and thinks and doesn't know the answer. "Can I think about it a bit further Sir? May I let you know tomorrow? ". "Of course", says Musharraf, "You've got 24 hours."

He goes away, thinks as hard as he can, calls in his Cabinet Secretary, Chief Secretaries and Joint Secretaries, but no-one knows the answer.Twenty hours later, the member of Musharraf's cabinet is very worried-still no answer and only 4 hours to go. Eventually he says to himself: "I'll ask Bill Clinton, he's clever, he'll know the answer." He calls Clinton. "Mr.President", he says, "Tell me who is the child of your father and of your mother who is not your brother and is not your sister?" "Very simple", says Clinton, "It's me!"

"Wonderful!" says the Cabinet member and hangs up. Jumping with joy realizing that he knows the answer, he rings Musharraf. "Sir, I've got the answer!".

"What is it?"

"It's Bill Clinton".

"No, you idiot", says Musharraf, "It's Advani".

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Bantu returns from his first day at school

Bantu returns from his first day at school and immediately questions hisfather.
"Dad, today we had a Spelling Class - All the other kids could only say half
the alphabet, but I knew the whole thing. Is that because I am Sardar?"
"No son, that's because you are intelligent. "
Bantu seeming content with the answer, asks his father another question,
"Dad, today we had Math class - All the other kids could only count from
1-10, I could count from 1 to 20. Is this because I am Sardar ??"
"No son, that's because you are intelligent," replies his father.
Happy with the answer, Bantu poses another question to his father,
"Dad,today we had Medical Examination, all the other boys were shorter than me, I was atleast twice their height. Is that because I am Sardar ??"
The father replies, "No son, that's because you are 31 years old.

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An e mail from heaven

On reading this you will realize how imp it is to send your
e-messages on correct email id. At times small but important things come
in a funny way like this one.


A man checked into a hotel. There was a computer in his room,
So he decided to send a e-mail to his wife. However, he
accidentally
Typed wrong e-mail address, and without realizing his error, he
sent the
e-mail. Meanwhile.. somewhere in Houston, a widow had just
returned home from her husband's funeral. The widow decided to check her
e-mail, expecting messages from relatives and friends.

After reading the first message, she fainted. The widow's son rushed into
the room,
found his mother on the floor, and saw the computer screen

which read:

To: My Loving Wife

Subject: I've Reached


I know you're surprised to hear from me. They have computers here now, and
you are allowed to send e-mails to your loved ones.
I've just reached and have been checked in. I see that everything has been
prepared for your arrival tomorrow. Looking forward to seeing you then!
Hope your journey is as uneventful as mine was.

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